Update on My Mom and Thank You's

Hello all,

first off, let me thank each and every one of you for being agents of God's love to my family during this time through your prayers and concern. It may seem crazy but sometimes you feel quite a bit more alone than you really are; we appreciate the reminder that people care. I have gotten texts, facebook messages, and voicemails galore over the past couple weeks and every single one of them was encouraging and strengthening to me as you each participated in the Kingdom as the Father's own chosen ministers.
I somewhat regret that I did not answer more of your phone calls or return more of your messages, but then again I don't completely. To shut-down, or go into hiding during times of duress is something so distinctly male, possibly shady, and definitely unfortunate. But it's not as much like avoiding reality as people often think it is; for me, its more like a purposeful tunnel-vision. A sort of involuntary reaction in times of stress that makes me feel as if I'm only aware of one, maybe two, things. In short, I apologize if my lack of correspondence rubbed you the wrong way. Your care and encouragement reached it destination, and fulfilled its purpose. I can never thank you enough.

Now to the good stuff:

I'm so giddy to type this I'm a little embarrassed, MY MOTHER'S SITUATION IMPROVED EXPONENTIALLY ON ACCOUNT OF OUR PRAYERS. She literally went from "got any vacations you've always wanted to take" to an honest to goodness fighting chance. Let me explain a bit. About February 2nd they found, through an MRI, a tumor that encompassed most of her stomach but appeared isolated there. So they made plans to remove most of her stomach on Feb 15th; think "Al Roker surgery". On the 15th they did a scope before they began the operation and saw that the cancer had spread to the outside of the stomach, onto the liver, and wrapped itself around her Aorta. Assuming that since the tumor was initially found in the stomach that it was stomach cancer, that meant she had stage 4 stomach cancer, which my crass understanding of the disease tells me is like the Rambo of cancers. Therefore, the doctor just sewed her up and came and told my Dad that she was a lost cause. (he actually used the analogy that if he had a "midget" son he wouldn't waste the money sending him to basketball camp, so my mom shouldn't waste the time with surgery and chemo in her condition; is that tasteless or what?) So we all rushed home and spent Monday through Thursday in shambles thinking she was done for and that we were helpless. Don't attend that party if you have the chance.
Then, the Father changed the game. As the biopsy's started to come back, they began to discover that it wasn't stomach cancer; it was ovarian cancer. And if it is overian cancer then it isn't in stage 4, its stage 3. Stage 3 ovarian cancer has options, and treatments, and the most amazing thing I've wrapped my brain around in a while: survival rates. I cannot put into words the transition of emotions from "gone within the month" to "fighting chance"; from 0% to 68.1%; literally from death to life. The new OBGYN oncologist confirmed the new diagnosis and she started the battle yesterday with round one of Chemo. I think the plan is Chemo, Chemo, Chemo, surgery, Chemo; or something like that. All I can really be that interested in, is that they are not burial plans.
In the past few days I've been thinking alot about God and why he does what he does. I know that I wont be able to nail much down on this side of Glory but I can't help but study the implications of what he did here. First, my mind has been stuck on the transition between her being doomed, and her having a chance. I truly can't describe how wonderful, life giving, awe inspiring, and joy filling it was. My dad, whose not exactly known for his expressiveness, had to tell us he was "elated", but at that point everything was funny, we were just so darn happy. But think, how much greater a disease is sin that cancer, and how much better the odds are eternal adoption than a 68.1% chance after a couple years of chemo-fueled nausea and surgeries. I'm now on a quest to understand THAT transition from life to death in light of the one I just experienced.
The heart of God is amazing, he loves his people, and from what I understand about our loving Father in Heaven, I believe he deeply desired to give us that moment last Friday and delighted in doing it. Furthermore, I believe that he desires to give his people that same type of gift, only exponentially greater, through our own transition from miserable death to overwhelming life with him eternally.
Secondly, this experience has me paying a great deal more attention to all sorts of things from cancer statistics to that commercial where Eddie Vedder sings with a mandolin. I realize more fully what it means that 1,500 people are expected to die TODAY from cancer. I shudder a bit when I realize that 562,340 Americans alone are expected to die from cancer in 2010. Here's what I believe: that God listened to the prayers of his people and, in some manor, intervened on behalf of my mother and my family. But what about the other 1500 people on the same day? Surely some of them were prayed for by people more righteous than myself. Surely some of them were beloved mothers and wives whose families are sitting somewhere profoundly devastated right now. After, all of that utterly regretful time I spent in a cemetery/seminary and I don't even have the nerve to offer an excuse as to why I don't know. I don't know why God came healing my family in these days. I don't know why he didn't go across the hall at the same hospital. Right now I only know that I am very, very, completely, and catastrophically humbled that he did.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows." James 1:17

We have experienced a great gift in this experience, and each of you have been a part of it. We look forward to sharing with you in person as soon as I get my head back on straight.


joshua